The truth is out.  Not shouted from the rooftops, but uneasily tucked away in the consciences of most British citizens today:

• In 2003 Hans Blix told Tony Blair to his face there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq,
• MI6 dismissed the CIA’s claim that Saddam was linked to Al-Qaida -
• We know Bush had it on his agenda before he was elected, let alone pre-9/11…
• …and we also know that as late as March 2002 no UK ministers fancied it, and for good reason – ‘it had no basis in law’ – Sir William Patey, head of Middle Eastern Dept of Foreign office.  Regime change ‘not a legal basis for military action’, Lord Goldsmith Attorney General.

And yet the smiling politician took Britain to war.

He knew all this, he had all the info, but just didn’t have the guts to stand up to the administration across the pond.  Even a poignant (read toe-curlingly painful) scene in Love Actually of Hugh Grant as PM standing up to an American President failed to convince – take the hint, Tony!  Perhaps if old George had made a move at Cherie, tens of thousands of lives would have been saved.  Hindsight’s a bitch.  Hope a passing time-traveller sticks a Viagra in his Miller Lite someday…

So now we’re left with the legacy of having crippled a fairly well-off country, and a minor annoyance of a leader is out of the way at the cost of many dead lives, countless broken lives, a crippled economy and an even more volatile region.  And for some reason, suicide attacks suddenly seem so blasé…like we expect nothing better of them…

So what happens now?  What does administering justice look like in this situation?  Pretty much all our politicians voted the war through, apart from the Lib Dems, Robin Cook MP (only the insignificant and drastically under-informed post of FOREIGN SECRETARY!) and Claire Short MP – whose names I hope go down in history as being morally in the clear.  So we can’t exactly sack all remaining politicians as war criminals, or do really very much at all in any way.  I doubt we’ll ever really get any closure on this gigantic fuckup.  It’s sad to think the outcome will never be more than a blot on our national conscience and a lesson not to blindly obey spear-rattling cretinous neo-conservatives who can’t even pronounce Iraq properly.  Eye-rack?!

*Sigh*

Next time something like this comes along, I’ll remember to make my own spear-rattling in the opposite direction heard loud and clear.  Not in my name, Tony.

First guy:  40ish, ex-rock star, does every drug under the sun (except heroin, which killed his best mate), knows the whole famous Londoners scene, used to see Winona Ryder, real A-list party lifestyle, all these old hellraising stories from old rock-n-roll days, skinny litle cockney geezer, INCESSANTLY talking about himself.

The other guy:  25, insecure, a complete disaster around girls, a pathological liar, making up stories to attempt to compete with the first guy, funny little side parting with terrible bleach blonde bits, wants to be a paranormal investigator, makes out his parents own a massive country estate in Wales.  Big hangup about a supposedly German aristocratic heritage. Couldn’t be less rock n roll if he tried.  Although thinks he’s David Bowie.  Apparently once psyched himself up for ages to chat to a pretty girl in a bar only to produce the line: ‘Nice tits.’  Amazing.

What does this make?  A relationship of absolute genius.  First guy says the other is like a sick dog that you just haven’t the heart to put down because you love it.

Second guy says not to believe anything the first guy says.

Somebody needs to go in and just write down everything they say, make a film or something cos they’re two of the funniest characters I’ve met in a long time, if not ever…

Father of my life,

Help me to know afresh that you love me.

May I steward all the gifts you’ve given me with excellence and to your glory.

May I serve the agenda of heaven – let not my ambition turn selfish.

Help me to find you in the faces of all I meet today.

Guide my compass so I know where my focus should be in this season, let distractions be left unheeded.

May this day serve to bring us a little closer.

I trust you.

Amen x

Some lessons I’ve learned…

1)       Get in touch with your dark side. You are as likely to be playing Satan as Jesus.  Have foundations strong enough to cope.  Yes, YOU may be saved, but very few dramatic characters are!  Draw from all sources to learn about humanity.

2)      Stop repressing emotion.  Start listening to it.  Learn to be aware of the first impulses that arise, before you start to cover up.  Don’t always ACT on them (!), but be aware of what they are.  You’ll be needing them!

3)      Read widely and broadly. Even stuff you know is against what you believe.  Form opinions.

4)      Seems silly to say, but I get asked occasionally - get used to using bad language! Swearing language has a beauty  all of it’s own, and has a place and a time for use.  Appreciate it!

5)      Human beings are halfway between angel and animal.  Learn to be aware of both sides within you.

6)      In your prayer time with the Lord, be challenged to be constantly honest with him, in where you are at.  NEVER, under any circumstances, fall into automatic pilot.  Sensitivity to what is REALLY going on in your heart will aid your sensitivity as an actor and help your sense of being ‘naked’ onstage.

7)      Don’t be prudish about sex.  If handled in the right way, scenes containing sexuality tell us huge amounts about character and ourselves.  An actor’s job is to be ‘naked’ (sometimes literally) and go through things the audience will never have to, so they can appreciate and learn about their own humanity.  Your whole life and body become their blank canvas – it’s all part of the actor/audience deal.

8)      You have a secret weapon.  You are able to approach your character from a spiritual point of view – their sinful habits, earthly mindsets, gifts, curses or blessings down the family line and their modern day effects.

9)      Become very aware of the detail of the presence of God.  By doing so, become aware of different atmospheres a room/scene may be filled with.

10)   Explore in your spirituality.  Stretch yourself.  Dream.  Be limitless.  Lose yourself in nature.  Use your imagination in prayer.  Learn to develop spiritual discernment, not only what is right or wrong, but that prophetic 6^th sense that the Holy Spirit provides.  This will help reveal much more depth and detail in your  walk with the Lord.

It’s a career path that has it’s challenges, yes.  I once asked a close friend: ‘how do you find peace being an actor and a Christian?’  He replied: ‘You don’t find peace in it, but you learn to put up with it’.  But, my goodness, the rewards and the satisfaction of a job well done are so enlightening, revealing and deeply personal, you will swear it is the only job in the world.

Being a Christian actor demands spiritual maturity.  And more often than not, an approach that forsakes typical ‘religious’ paths.  Church on Sunday?  Sorry, only morning off after long night performing.  Church at all?  Sorry, I’m touring around the UK.  Bible reading?  I’m intensely digging into my script, I can’t fit Bible stuff in my head.

What I’ve found is it’s more a case of:  snatched Bible readings, close Christian friends at the end of a phone at all times, snatched intense moments of time with the Father, and a degree of prior soul transformation so much that, like a sponge, when you are squeezed against the wall, what oozes out is Jesus!  Reliance, reliance, reliance.

He, after all, is the great Creator.  He created all human beings that all characters have been based on, in creating the great spectrum of humanity, he is in a way more human than any of us (and yet something altogether different.)  He is the great storyteller.  And he is the source of all the gifts that allow actors to do what they do.  We have a rich heritage to draw from!

And don’t forget, when you’re bowing in the applause, to inwardly bow yourself to the One who made it all possible.

So here are the latest projects:

COOKING:  Attempting a roast butternut squash, courgette and caramelised onion risotto tonight.  Warming up to impress a girl on Monday night.  Practising on my brother (just the food…)  Thanks Jamie Oliver for your lovely basic recipe:

http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/risotto/basic-risotto-recipe

LORD OF THE RINGS:  The fact that Christopher Lee reads these once a year and I have never read them is frankly disgusting.  Thanks Viggo Mortenson for your lovely FACE.

SHAKESPEARE:  Ploughing through as many as I can (plays) to find excerpts for my attempt at some kind of ‘Masterclass’ throughout Jan.

First thirty minutes amongst the most beautiful and engaging storytelling I have ever seen onscreen.  As things go downhill, you can’t help thinking that Willem Defoe’s character is just a big psychoanalytic twat who needs to get out of his own head, and that Charlotte Gainsbourg needs to be sectioned.  Pronto.

But as an overwhelmingly engaging film experience, that makes you wince and puts you there, and bares the hearts of this couple driven wild by grief, I found it incredibly rich.  Bit of an anti-’The Shack’, for those that have read it!  Fits my art philosophy that being exposed to what life is like when things go truly wrong, is just as helpful as the opposite.  Sweetness and beaming bunny rabbits ain’t what life is like.  We have lots to learn from the darkness, for the sake of continually choosing to live in the light.  Keeps us all compassionate towards each other, too.

Dramatically, it just goes to remind you of the potential of what massive, epic things can take place, both beautiful and tragic, simply between two actors in one place. Who needs fireworks and CGI to tell a story when a setup this simple can be so gripping!  Not that I’d recommend it to the sqeamish, easily offended or Republicans.  It is supposed to be a ‘horror’, after all…

The ‘message’ I got from it?

Well, to quote the master of social dysfunction, Mr Jerry Springer: ‘Until next time, take care of yourselves….and each other’

There were probably about 40 of us in a hotel conference room.  We flowed straight into worship and there was just this beautiful cacophony of people singing out what was in their hearts.

The room started to hot up and a few of us started to discern an angelic presence.  To cut a long story short, we were dimensionally led up to the court of the Lord, which is where loads of heavenly beings are present, and also the enemy and all his beings – it’s the place where we humans can bring our complaint against the enemy before the Lord, and where justice is done.

One by one we took it in turns to come into the centre of the circle and make our declarations with a wooden staff, and what followed was some of the most beautiful, gut-wrenching and stirring moments I have ever had in a church.  Such personal grievances were aired, and the sense of the Lords listening in compassion was so palpable.  When one finished, all of us would rise and state our agreement (unity commands a blessing).

• One man stood up and brought before the Lord the case of his father, who had married his mother, then only a month later gone to fight in WW2.  He was captured in Singapore and made a prisoner of war, where terrible things happened to him.  Eventually, he was able to return to Britain, but he was a changed, damaged man, unable to open up emotionally, even after his wife died.  This man complained that the enemy had stolen a marriage, a happy family life, and broken his father emotionally, and petitioned the Lord that in the twilight of his life, that this father be healed might have everything restored to him that was intended to be.  AMEN!
• One lady brought the complaint that the enemy had stolen her husband’s mind, leading him to mental health problems and alcoholism, which was not the man she married.  She petitioned the Lord to stop the enemy’s influence and bring him home to her.  AMEN!
• Two ladies separately brought issues of childhood sexual abuse before the Lord, angrily complaining that it had let to a legacy of harmful behaviour, affected her marriage and that the enemy had stolen much of her childhood through this.  ‘This wasn’t your plan, Lord.  I demand freedom.  I take back everything you have promised me.’  AMEN!

The Lord will move.  This is my kind of church! x

If you google it, you’ll end up at millions of Wiccan websites.  That’s not where I first heard it though.  I have a big soft spot for Wicca, having a close affinity with nature as it does, understanding the relationship between the seen and the unseen worlds, and the big two reasons that make it such a fast growing religion:  1) They validate women as women 2) You get to develop your spiritual gifting.  I think Christianity has a heck of a lot to learn from Wicca.  Ignore at your peril!  However, Christians who have in any way looked into their prophetic gifting, also realise that there are physical and spiritual realms, seen and unseen. (What helps me is to think of what Frodo Baggins sees when he wears the ring…)

There have been moments, in worship, in meetings, in power-places, and sometimes just in my bedroom, when the Presence of God fills the air and you get that sense of Heaven and Earth interlocking.  Bang.  Those are places where the Veil is thin.  How the earth was always intended to be – Heaven and Earth combined in a glorious relationship, free-flowing access between them – and it will be like that one day.  Until that day, we have to make do with rare, beautiful, costly instances where the Lord permits us to glimpse beyond the possibilities of this mundane, flesh-and-blood world, into a world far more real, far richer and more beautiful.

Wrote a poem about this concept ages ago:

The Veil is Thin

O, take me to that place where the veil is thin,

Where the scent of the unseen plane is borne

On an air that breathes into bone and skin,

Where the sun shines pure as its maiden dawn.

O, take me to that place where the spirit is free,

Where the wedge that the city drives between

This visible world and the home beyond

No longer obstructs, they are loosed to bond.

I long to be in that place where you walked through walls,

Behind locked doors and on clouds were raised,

Where a burning bush spoke the words of heaven,

Where rules were broken and all left amazed.

For what undergirds the earth and caps the sky;

The essence the air is encompassed by,

I long to befriend, and to prove what I feel -

That the real is the spirit and the spirit is real.

O, I long for that place where the veil is thin!

Where a raindrop breaks on the back of my hand

And the faintest trace of an aftertaste

Of you, great Carpenter, is there within.

Let me long dwell where that veil is so thin,

Let my life in that place be forever entrenched

And when I must leave may I always return

To that place where my thirst is assuredly quenched.

Where nature itself is a carpet to stars,

Where I see that through you and for you, all things are.

I just don’t find it anywhere else in the UK, so I’d better just get on and do it myself.

Bless you all. x